GETTING UNSTUCK IN A CHAOTIC WORLD

“But you said you wanted more for yourself”. Suddenly, a montage of every conversation she’d ever had with this person flashed before her mind's eye like an epiphany. She realized they never really wanted more, and she had wasted moments, perhaps even years of mental energy wanting more for them than they ever wanted for themselves. We’ve all been there, pushed and pushed for people and situations to change as time silently passes by, and nothing happens. What do you do now?

It’s an age old-story, we’ll call this woman Sally. She stays too long in a friendship, partnership, or even job because she has gaslit (a form of distorting the truth) herself about the harsh reality; circumstances won’t get better for her. Think about it, the friend who Sally has repeatedly asked to show up on time and they promised to change, the partner she encouraged to reach for their dreams and heard express his willingness to do so, and the job that promised over and over to help her career growth. Each one has used their words to satisfy her current need of conversational assurance, but as time goes on nothing changes.

Much like Sally, many find themselves saying the same words over and over again and years pass by, all the while not realizing, they themselves have not required the change they are seeking. If Sally had established her need to herself before any of the conversations were had, perhaps she would have saved herself time and heartache, because it would’ve only taken one time to realize, people do what people really want to do. And the change she sought would have been from her decision to find other sources rather than expecting evolution from people who’d never asked to be different.

So, what’s the point? How do we get unstuck from situations that are mediocre to our standards?

RECOGNIZING THE PATTERN

Most people continue to anticipate external change and accept mediocrity because they aren’t even aware it’s happening. So, if you’re this person, but you notice specific relationships creating unsatisfactory results, perhaps it’s time to analyze why. For example, if I know my job isn’t making me happy, I have to figure out what about it doesn’t make me happy.

While there may be other factors such as, I settled for the job or pay because I needed it, the likelihood that internally I expected it to grow in some way is much more possible. In other words, perhaps I thought it would grow on me, or maybe I thought it would change in some way that brought me joy. However, like any relationship, it is unfair to expect the entity to be the change I need, when I knew exactly what it was when I met it.

So now, I have to realize that while my requests were made, they weren’t met the first or second time. Thus, the beginning of recognizing the pattern of unchanged behavior. And the truth? It’s highly possible this won’t be the only relationship I have where this pattern shows up.

IDENTIFYING YOUR POWER

Once you recognize the pattern, it’s easy to get discouraged, but don’t stop there. Now is the time to see that change is possible. And the best part? You have control over when and how it can happen. Because, sure, the method to achieving the answer may be different or even difficult depending on the individual. However, it’s simple.

You alone have the power to choose to stay or leave. The moment you decide that you do not need this current relationship to receive your deepest desires, that you can find another (likely even better) source, you have begun to solve this problem. You are powerful beyond measure, and only you can decide the trajectory of each aspect of your life, including, and especially unsatisfactory relationships.

IMPLEMENTING ACTION

So, now what? Now is the time to begin your life, to look for other resources, to search for that new job, expose yourself to new people, write down what it is you really want. It may seem difficult at first, but even the smallest step will release you from the worst kind of prison there is, the handcuffed mind.

Your next step and the biggest action step you can take is to decide that you are the change. You know the saying, “Be the Change”, it doesn’t only have to apply to the world at large, it also applies to your world. We live in a world where multiple resources are at our disposal, it’s not as hard to go and network, or meet someone new. In fact, even if you have social anxiety, we have resources available to help with that.

The solution: Take your power back and own your life.